Thank you everyone for your kind wishes, prayers, and offers of support. The outpouring of Love is the best Medicine. It has played no small part in my recovery. I am well, stronger in many respects than before I got sick. I feel blessed by support both inside and outside me: a strong immune system, a loving partner, an amazing community, my loving children and my children’s father caring for them while I am in quarantine, Traditional Chinese Medicine, Advil, food medicines lovingly prepared by my friend, prayer, shelter, technology, nature, music, my two affectionate dogs and so much more. My recovery belongs to everyone and everything. Thank you.
When I read your responses, I realized that my illness and message touched something deep in our community. Now that the person you go to when you are sick is sick with Covid, there feels like a collective sense of vulnerability. Perhaps it’s akin to when a parent gets sick and you realize that they are not invulnerable. To be vulnerable is, actually, to be human. And to be human means that at some point, we will fall sick and at some point, we will die. All of us. As a society, we are woefully inadequate at looking at and contemplating our mortality. We like to think that we are invulnerable and we don’t like to entertain any notions otherwise. Strong, confident, ambitious, in control, on top, capable—that’s America. But for anyone who is paying the least bit of attention, that facade is quickly crumbling. And what is revealed behind the facade scares many of us. For that very reason, we must look. It’s the first step to understanding the problem. Covid-19 has revealed our collective vulnerability and fears, our inadequacies, our weaknesses, our lack of control, our lack of knowledge. In a sense, Covid-19 is not the problem, it is a symptom of the deeper problem.
In Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), we seek to trace a symptom back to the roots. If the root of a problem isn’t understood or addressed, then the problem is likely to come back either in the same way or in other ways. For example, in modern medicine, a headache may stem from local constriction of blood vessels or local stimulation of nerves in the head and the treatment is painkillers to get rid of the pain. In TCM, we ask, where in the head is the pain, what energetic pathways is it connected to, what organs may that be connected to, what has caused the constriction or stagnation in the body, what living conditions is the body subjected to, what relationships are exasperating the problem? We not only give treatment taking into consideration all those relationships inside the body, but we also offer the patients lifestyle guidance that sometimes encompass more than just diet and exercise. The web that causes the headache extends beyond the physical. The TCM doctors of ancient times were not just skilled in administering herbs and acupuncture to rebalance the physical body, they were wise people whose counsel were taken for all kinds of issues affecting a person’s life. They understood the interconnectedness of all things and can identify misaligned areas that can use adjustment for a more harmonious outcome. While modern TCM doctors continue to trace the interrelationships of disease within the body—like connecting a headache to an imbalance of the Liver—few are actively tracing it to the interrelationships outside the body, the headache to stress in relationships, to societal pressures, to economic and social inequities to capitalism, to patriarchy, etc… Perhaps in modern thought, it feels useless, that the further “out” we trace it, the less control we have. The prevailing thought is, we have no control over certain relationships, over society, over the environment. We can only try our best to protect ourselves from those things that harm us. I invite another understanding, one that doesn’t set us apart from the things that we feel threatened by, but one that puts us in a relationship so intimate that discernment between out there and in here is difficult.
We are society, we are our environment, we are Nature, we are our relationships. These things shape us and in turn we shape them. It is an ongoing, inseparable, symbiotic, intricate, organic and wholly natural relationship. If we approach our relationships in a defensive / aggressive way, then we close ourselves off to the things that make us who we are. In essence, we are fighting ourselves. But if we approach our relationships with reverence and respect, then that symbiosis leads to mutual benefit, healthy growth, innate security and peace. We get to experience ourselves wholly human and that still means at some point we become sick and die, but our life experience will not be one of fear and resistance. Our life will be one of fullness, curiosity, gratitude, Love, respect, abundance and awe.
Why then, do we continue to behave in self-destructive and other-destructive ways? I think we simply don’t consciously know better, don’t know that there’s a different way to be. When the white settlers came to this land, they approached the Native people with defensiveness and aggression and forcefully and violently stole the land and tried to exterminate the Indigenous peoples. How would it have been different had they approached with humility and respect and asked for help? If they were open to learning Indigenous ways of living and being that at its core revere nature, honor relationships, respect all of life? Rather the white settlers violated all that is sacred and among other horrific things, intentionally spread smallpox as biological warfare. We are the beneficiaries of this brutal and inhumane legacy and we unconsciously (or consciously) repeat this approach to things we feel threaten us, not having learned or remembered a different way. This disconnected way of being is the bedrock of our society and motivates our reactions to any threat to our well-being.
We can observe this reaction to what is happening with the current pandemic. To deal with our fears and maintain a sense of control, we’ve become exclusively vigilant against the scary virus that is out there, identifying and isolating carriers and possible sources for carriers. We are desperately trying to protect ourselves from any and all possible sources of the virus, including by extension, the unvaccinated folks, Trump supporters or Asian people. The vitriolic attacks against certain groups as being the problem harks back to the underlying sentiments of the worst crimes against humanity. Perhaps it feels like an exaggeration, but it is hard to see what is happening when we are in the midst of it. All of history was once the present.
What if the real thing to be vigilant of isn’t outside us, but inside us? What if disconnection and the resultant fear is the mother of all viruses? And what if this unexamined root is the cause of the chaos we see out there? Could this be the reason that despite all our efforts, nothing seems to get better for any amount of time: our environment continues to get worse, the virus continues to evade us, racial injustice takes on different forms, economic disparity grows, there is an upsurge in violence and crime. Institutional policies and mandates point to a strategy of trying desperately to suppress and control symptoms without understanding the root of the problem. If the root is disconnection from our inherent interconnectedness then how do we re-connect to understand our response-ability?
Re-connecting doesn’t begin with a thing to do in the future. It begins with reassessing where we are in the present. Right now. It begins with taking the time to look inwards at where we are coming from. Are we now responding from a place of defensiveness, separate-ness and fear? Are our actions motivated by desperately trying to prevent death or are we affirming life by courageously opening our hearts to all that we are inseparably connected to and being guided by that? This root assessment is indispensable towards understanding the manifestations outside us. And if we assess that we are coming from a place of fear, how do we change that? The assessment and acknowledgment in and of itself is already the most important part of change. We are pulling it out by the roots and examining it. Shedding light on it is a powerful interruption. When we can see where we are coming from and have a sincere desire for healing, then we can choose differently and channel our energies towards individual and collective healing.
In regards to Covid-19, we can choose to explore what healing and wholeness actually is, rather than just focusing on the fight against disease. What if we learn how to support our body’s innate strengths and care for our body’s vulnerabilities. What if we honor the messages that our bodies ceaselessly offer us for self-care through our emotions, pain, pleasure, desire for rest and good food, touch and joy. What if we shared resources, knowledge, wisdom and medicines for self-care when our need is beyond our individual capacity? What if the predominant conversation around the virus isn’t scary or coercive, isn’t only about who to blame and how to protect oneself from the worst horror stories? What if the conversation includes how to care for oneself and each other through both prevention and treatment if we get sick be it from the virus or the vaccine. What if we shared with one another our choices and fears with the trust and security that in sharing we are strengthening. If these become our conversations, we may start to feel an enormous gratitude for all that sustains us, the innate resilience, wisdom and strength of our bodies, the support of nature and our community and the gift of dis-ease. Our individual and collective immunity may grow stronger and stronger.
My Covid experience gave me an opportunity to meet it with respect and to learn. The pain and discomfort that I experienced from this brief period feels so small compared to the learning and the opportunities that it invited me towards. My Covid experience wasn’t just inside my body, it affected all my relationships and gave me a chance to confront my fears and meet them in a healing way and to bring this very important message forth. There is no greater force of Healing or Love than One that orchestrates and architects everything for our learning, for our growth, for our strength. Everything is Medicine. Everything is a gift. Give thanks to Everything.
In Community,
